Lesson 4: Releasing The Blame and Shame

Do you live with pain from your past?

Are there people along your life’s journey who you believe caused you a great deal of pain? Do you struggle with letting go of the hurt? 

Life is all about what you believe. There are simple truths in this world. One reality that we get back what we put out.

Or in another way, what we put out is what we get back.  Thoughts are always building our future scenes. What you think will become the reality that will indefinitely show up  for you.

For instance, a worker is asked to stay late for work on a day she was supposed to be off work. She comes in for work, then stays late like she’s asked to. She has a  couple ways she can see her situation.

  • She can see herself as a victim of the circumstance and blame them for her having to be at work even though she wants to be home.
  • Alternately she can view the chance to come into work as an opportunity to earn more money and maybe to help her workplace a bit. 

Which one of these statements sounds like you?

“Life just isn’t fair.”

“Life is what I make it, no matter what things will workout.”

What you believe and what comes to you are always a dynamic match. Belief one or two will create different outcomes for you. Be mindful of what you choose to believe since it can make a huge difference in what you get. The universe will create the reality that is in your mind. Thats how powerful your thoughts are.

You may be thinking- why you were dealt the cards you have in your hand. What I really believe is that we have the power to change our lives. I also believe that we have the power to make everything just as we want it to be.

We chose to come to the families that we were born into. All the way back to childhood, we have been conditioned to think certain ways. “Men are all the same!” “Women are money hungry!” It’s just a belief.

It’s not the truth. It’s a rigid belief that came from who knows where. Beliefs create your reality because its a thought you keep thinking. Its like a trap if you think negatively about your life. 

Take back your power.

Blaming others only gives the power that you have-away to someone else. 

How can you trust.  Take it day by day. Blame and Shame don’t feel good at all. It doesn’t matter what the blame is for or who does the blaming. 

What do you win when you play the blame game? If you could convince others that your parents are to blame for the way you are, what good would it do?

If your business failure could be blamed on something that really wasn’t your fault, would that help? Can blaming our personal problems on outside factors ever be helpful?

Possibly. There is some evidence that assigning failure to things outside our control may be useful for maintaining self esteem and motivation. An example is when someone says “Oh, the rain ruined the event,” then adds, “I’ll have to plan for that next time.” The truth is, though, that many would just blame the rain without adding the second part of the thought.

Losing The Blame Game

Focusing on outside factors that contribute to our problems un-motivates. Even if it was true that a friend made you late for an interview and you lost the job, it just can’t help to dwell on it. When you do so, you just feel like giving up, don’t you? What can you do then? 

Two things: 

  • 1. Learn Your Lessons. 
  • 2. Take Responsibility.

If, for example, it was an accident on the part of your friend, you just let it go. If your friend is always late, however, you note that. Now you tell yourself, “I’ll get a ride with someone else next time,” or “I’ll plan to be there thirty minutes early and I’ll have a back-up plan.”

It’s one thing to recognize when others do something wrong, or storms rain on your parade. It’s another thing – a useless thing – to persist in blaming outside factors for where you are in life.

If someone stole all your money, they did you wrong, but don’t persist in blaming as your ongoing response. Ask yourself what you can do to make more, and to keep it from being stolen again. Always focus on what YOU can do, not on what others have done.

Subtle Blame

Ah, but the blame game can be a subtle one. There is a fine line between the necessary recognizing of “problem factors” and giving control to them. If a person gains weight easily, they have to recognize that fact without feeling shameful about it.

Repeating that fact to oneself or others, however, is usually a subtle way of saying, “My body type is to blame, so there’s nothing I can do.” This belief gives away personal power. 

To overcome this tendency, include what YOUR decisions are when talking about outside factors. Follow, “John just depresses me,” with “but I choose to spend time with him.”

Say “My parents screwed me up,” but add “that’s why I’m working to change my beliefs.” It’s a beginning to and end of and old way to thinking. You have to start somewhere.

Have you ever known someone that subtly blames the world for his problems, but never seems to recognize his own contribution to his problems? How happy and successful is he?

Everyone of us could think of dozens of people and things that have caused us problems in our lives. Who and what are they? Who cares?! What are are we going to do about it? That’s the important question. Have you ever seen someone blame their way to success? Have you seen anyone expressing the shame they fill during their successes? It’s time to give up the blame game to change your life story instantly.